So, you know again understand that the hardest thing for most people around all of this is getting past their own pre-existing beliefs. We were all we all grew up in this culture and when I say this culture, it doesn’t matter. If you grew up in the US or Poland or Salvador, or even poi, even poi yeah, it doesn’t matter. We grew up in the same area um, because the ideas and beliefs are largely the same. We’ve all been acculturated to believe things that are simply not true, and increasingly these ideas and beliefs are put Upon Us by commercial interests.
So, if you, if you went to elementary school in the United States in your classroom, there was a wall chart that talked about what a healthy diet looked like and prominently on that wall chart prominently displayed was the dairy group? How do I know that? Well, because those wall charts were provided by the American Dairy Council that which calls itself an educational organization, their job is to sell dairy products. They don’t care about. Educating anybody.
Did you know that the American Dairy Council has been fined by the US government dozens of times and forced to re, stop putting out misleading advertising the milk mustache ads? They don’t see them anymore. Why not?
The government said you can’t do that.
That’s not true! A lot of what they’ve said and these ads over these last 30, 40 50 years is not true and they keep putting it out there until someone says you can’t do that. You can’t say that anymore, it’s not true and they get fine, they don’t care. It’s all about bottom line. This is the way the real world works with commercial interests.
I actually meet people all the time encounter people online who believe that, because companies say these drugs are good for you or help you that they really must be folks. Wake up. Big farmer couldn’t care less about your health or whether you live or die.
They care about their bottom line. Before a drug is put on the market. They have, they do a bunch of studies, and they use uh Actuarial tables Actuarial tables that tell them how many people are likely to die as a result of using the medication.
They know in advance what the likelihood of that outcome is, and once they have that number their experts then do the math, and they calculate how much is it likely to cost them in lawsuits if they put that drug on the market and here’s what decides Whether it goes or doesn’t go it’s really simple. Let’s say a drug company does their math, and they realize it’s going to cost them $ 400 million a year in lawsuits.
If they put that drug on the market. Well, clearly, they’re not going to market the drug, are they are.
Why would they do that?
Well, because the FDA license to Market that drug on average is worth $ 1 billion doll a year.
So, if you it’s simple, math makes a billion spend 400 million. That’s a good deal. That’s a $ 600 million profit. That’s all they care about! It’s that simple! Okay, that’s the way it works. So today you know when I was a kid there were shy.
Kids did you know any shy? Kids, there’s! No shy! Kids anymore! Now, kids have social anxiety disorder. It’s a disease.
You see there has to be a disease before they can sell a drug for a disease. Now that it’s a called the disease, they can sell you drugs for it. So shy, kids are given drugs, but in the old days kids were just shy and sometimes they outgrew it, and sometimes they didn’t that’s just the way it was everything’s now a disease, and if it’s not a disease, yet it soon will be because it has to Be a disease to be able to sell a drug legally.
In a 2011 study, researchers followed a group of judges deciding whether or not to offer imprisoned individuals a chance at parole. Logically, one might expect things like an imprisoned person’s crime, existing sentence, and current behavior to be the primary considerations. But while those details were duly examined, one variable had a remarkably large impact: the time of day. Imprisoned people who met with the board in the morning were far more likely to receive parole than those whose cases were reviewed in the afternoon, even if their crimes and sentences were practically identical. This finding might seem strange, but the researchers’ explanation was simple: in the afternoon, the judges were likely exhausted.
Specifically, they were experiencing decision fatigue. This kind of cognitive exhaustion occurs after a period of extended decision making and it can make people more impulsive and less confident while making choices. The dangers of decision fatigue are clear in high-stakes scenarios like this study, but it can have a serious impact on our day-to-day lives as well. So what kinds of choices lead us to this state, and what can we do to fight fatigue? Everything our bodies do— whether physical or mental— uses energy.
But while it’s unclear exactly what resources are depleted during mental strain, studies have found many individuals seem to have a daily threshold for making decisions. And once that threshold is met, most people make the conscious choice to “take it easy” and save serious thinking about any new decisions for another day. How quickly you reach this threshold depends on several variables, including the frequency, complexity, and novelty of the decisions you have to make. For example, choosing what to eat for breakfast isn’t very taxing. Not only is this decision limited by what’s available, it’s also a choice you expect to make once a day with fairly low stakes.
And even when you’re not quite sure what to eat, the time between this minor decision and the next one should give you ample room to recover whatever cognitive energy you expend. But let’s imagine something much trickier.
For example, your car suddenly breaks down and you need to replace it right away. This is an unexpected, complicated decision with serious consequences. In this case, there are countless options to choose from, and you won’t find them all in one place.
To make the optimal choice, you’ll need to do hours of thoughtful research to consider the various pros and cons. And since this is a decision you don’t often make, you’ll also have to identify what considerations are most important. The time pressure can add additional stress both during the decision-making process and afterward, as you expend more energy wondering if you would have made a different decision with more time. After just a single decision of this magnitude, most people would have already reached their decision-making threshold.
But in professions where individuals need to make multiple high-stakes decisions every day, decision fatigue can be much more dangerous.
Judges, like those in the 2011 study, often encounter difficult decisions back-to-back, with no time to recover. Many researchers are especially concerned about decision fatigue in medicine. Doctors often work long shifts full of life-or-death decisions, and some studies have found that medical workers are much more likely to make critical mistakes when working extended shifts. Addressing these issues requires institutional changes, but there are much more direct ways most of us can avoid fatigue in our daily lives.
One simple strategy is to make fewer daily decisions, tackling your to-do list over multiple days, or even removing some rote decisions from your day altogether. It’s also typically less draining to offer advice on a hard decision than it is to make that choice yourself. So, it can be helpful to imagine your decisions as someone else’s before considering how the consequences impact you specifically. Finally, it’s essential to remember that not every choice is equally important, and learning how to relax about the small stuff can help you save energy for the decisions that truly matter.
Oppositional Defiant Disorder is what O-D-D stands for. How do you deal with a child who has ODD. First of all, is that really a diagnosis? Seriously Dr. Paul? Is that…? Yes. It is actually. It’s in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. And that kind of is weird to me too. But I’ve got the criteria here that I want to share with you. How to diagnose someone who’s got Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Here’s how its described. First… There’s 3 components here, okay?
The first is an angry, irritable mood. And there are 3 sub points after that. Listen to these.
Number 1 often loses temper.
Number 2 is often touchy or easily annoyed.
Number 3 is often angry and resentful.
Okay, I know what you’re thinking here. Because your kid probably does this. Yeah, I probably do this. Disclaimer right up front. For any diagnosis we use for children that involves behavior and most of them do. We have to distinguish between what’s normal or expected for a child of that age versus what’s out of the ordinary or bigger than what we would normally expect for a child that age.
Every child is going to go through periods or phases where these things are true for them. To make the diagnosis, it has to be more than what we would normally expect. And it has to persist for I think at least 6 months in order to make the diagnosis.
So, with that disclaimer, let’s go back to the diagnostic criteria. The first one as I pointed out is the angry irritable mood. Now, let’s go to the second category. Argumentative / defiant behavior. And there are 4 points under that as well.
Often argues with authority figures or for children and adolescence with adults.
Often actively defies or refuses to comply with requests from authority figures or with rules. Now again, you’re probably thinking, “Oh, that’s my kid.” Yeah, it probably is because most kids do this. But remember, we’re talking bigger than or more than would be normally expected for a child that age.
If you don’t have a lot of experience with other children, that are the age of your own, then withhold judgment for a while because maybe this is pretty normal for kids. But if it’s becoming a problem or interfering with their life, their education their ability to relate to people, that’s when we’re starting to take a little more notice of it. So, let’s go back to the criteria. There’s 2 more under argumentative and defiant behavior. Often deliberately annoys others and finally often blames others for his or her mistakes or behavior.
Isn’t this fun? That’s why we call it Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Alright, there’s one more category that I want to share with you from the criteria.
Vindictiveness. And this is described as has been spiteful or vindictive at least 2 within the past 6 months.
And then it goes into a whole disclaimer that I already shared with you about how this is above average. This is out of the ordinary. It’s more than we would expect for a child of that age and development. So, what do we do about it? Let’s say that your child is experiencing those criteria as I described into in the first part of the video.
And it does seem to be more than you would normally expect for a child of that age development. What can you do about it? We got 5 tips for you. Let’s start with this one. Try to identify the sources of frustration.
Check it out, we all do this. In fact, as human beings, our frustration often leads us to an acceleration of those feelings that we… That can be described as anger or defiance.
Probably your child is feeling frustrated about something. I’ve noticed this in just normal development of my own kids that sometimes when they’re going into a new developmental stage or they have a developmental milestone that they’re about to meet, they start to experience an increase in frustration.
This can lead to behavioral problems for a child. So as a parent, just push the pause button long enough to say, “Hmm, I wonder if my child is feeling frustrated.” That’s a little softer to deal with than the harshness of Oppositional and Defiant.
So, let’s break away from the diagnosis enough to realize that there’s probably some frustration happening. Here’s my second tip. Simplify your family rules. A lot of kids who are struggling with Oppositionality and defiance. Don’t wrap their heads around all of the rules and regulations and expectations that are coming up for them.
Let’s see if we can simplify it for them. And I really like three in particular. Let’s see if you agree with these. Rule number 1 respect yourself and others. This is a family rule.
Mom and dad are going to follow this rule, all the kids are going to follow this rule. This is an important part of our family culture. What does it mean to respect yourself and others? And then you can have a conversation with the kids about this. I would suggest that you do it in some kind of a family meeting or come together for a family council our family home evening of some kind to establish these family rules.
And you can ask them what it means to respect yourself. What does it mean to respect others? Have those conversations. Here’s rule number 2, respect property. We’ve already established the importance of respect.
Now let’s extend that to our property, our things. Taking care of things in the way that you should. Never vandalizing or intentionally breaking or damaging or harming people’s property.
This is important. Taking care of your own property.
You like those rules so far? Respect self and others, respect property. What else could we want as parents? That’s pretty well covering it. But I’ve got a third one for you that catches all of the loose ends.
Cooperate and obey. That’s family rule number 3. And that picks up everything that you might be concerned about that wasn’t covered in the first 2 rules. Now, let’s move to tip number 3. Tip number 3 is for you as a parent to remember the 3 rules for a power struggle.
Oppositional Defiant children typically get into a lot of power struggles. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? So as a parent, you get to follow 3 rules for power struggles. Let’s talk about those 3. Number 1, avoid them.
Not your child. The power struggles. Avoid them. Don’t get into them unless you need to. Unless you absolutely have to.
It’s kind of like before marching up a hill. You got to decide, “Am I willing to die on that hill before I March up there into battle?” Be very selective in that way. Avoid the power struggles if you can. Rule number 2, if you can’t avoid them, win them.
I would tell the same thing to your kids, too. But they’re already really good at this rule. Because they know how to win a power struggle because they know rule number 3. You pick the issues. Notice that if you pick the issues, you’re going to have a whole lot easier time actually winning the power struggle.
You never pick something that they control. That’s a recipe for disaster. You always pick something that you control.
Let me give you an example. Your child is swearing, okay?
Yelling out profanities. This happens a little bit with ODD.
So, your kid is yelling disrespectful language. Don’t get into a power struggle over his language. You don’t control that.
You might instead say, “Look, you can say whatever you feel is appropriate to say. I have some limits about profanity. And so if you choose to use profanity in this home then you will lose access to the game system.” For example. Now, can you win that power struggle?
Yes, you can. Because you can enforce whether he has access to the game system. That’s what I’m talking about. Don’t get into a power struggle about his language.
That’s up to him.
You might want to choose to control the game system instead. You see? So, those are the 3 year rules for the power struggles. Now, let’s go to tip number 4. When we’re dealing with children who have Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
Establish a family culture of positivity. This is easier said than done. And this is part of what this whole channel is all about. You go to the playlist here for positive parenting or for positive personal development. You will get all kinds of ideas from the videos that we’ve put out before about how to create this culture.
The culture of positivity has everyone in the whole family taking a more positive position about what’s going on in the family. And it sets us up to move forward to the next step. Which is to create some powerful upgrades. Because even though this family culture the way it is, is really awesome. It could be better, yeah.
So, we set up a family culture of positivity. Now, one final tip about how to deal with children who have Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
And it has to do with you and your particular example and model to them. Here’s how I’m going to phrase it. Be calm and parent on.
This is the time for you to show them how to regulate and monitor your own feelings and emotions. So that you’re not flying off the handle. It can be really frustrating. Honestly, if your kids are oppositional and defiant, it might trigger things in you to where you want to react in a way that’s not going to help the situation. I tell you what, if you as a parent are yelling and screaming for your child to stop yelling and screaming, there’s something wrong with that equation.
And I’ll let you do the math. Be calm and parent on. Show and model the kind of behavior that you would like to see in your child. Maybe that one goes without saying, “But there I go. I went and said it.” Because I think we need to know that and focus on it and remember it as a parent. One last thing there. This is even more important when our kids are upset.
Because they don’t know yet how to regulate their own affect as well as you do. Be that model for them.
Honestly, I’m not even sure that Oppositional Defiant Disorder should be a diagnosis. It is something that we can deal with however. And hopefully that’s some good ideas from this video. If you haven’t connected yet with the Parenting Power-Up, Vicki and I’ve put a lot of tools into that but I think we’re going to find very helpful. And you’ll have constant access there to the 18 modules that are already there any updates that we create.
Go to parentingpower-up.com. You can connect to it right over there.
Hello, My name is Jose Amorós first of all I wish you a warm welcome to my blogs. Form a team and thus grow professionally. I am an experienced person focused on advising people with an interest like me in online business.
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